What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
