Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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