I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize