Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
