i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
