i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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