Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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