I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
