i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
