I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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