I think my fart just growled at me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
