'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can vaginas get frostbite?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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