bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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