Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize