I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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