I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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