I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize