I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
