he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
