with your own penis?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
