I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
