I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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