um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this just has baby written all over it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
