So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
