Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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