Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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