you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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