yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think people are normalizing furries
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
