he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im holly from the hills drunk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
