it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
