Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize