My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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