Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
