loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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