My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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