who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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