It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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