If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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