How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
