ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
