Me. At least after what I've been through.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
