I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
