Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
