I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize