marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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