i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
