so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
