How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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