HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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