ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
