im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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