I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
