Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
