Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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