Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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