he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
