So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
