Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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