for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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