i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
