I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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