the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
