You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
