Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
