its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
