I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I want to fling myself into the sun
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
