Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize