I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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