Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
