I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
