I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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