I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
