a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we made out on top of his cat.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize