I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Buhtt sex?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
