I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
