remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
