I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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