come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
