I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
