I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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