grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You made out with two different species that night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
