She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
