Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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