Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
