I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
