playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
