god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
