True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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