I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
