It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize