dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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