Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
