Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize