five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
