what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
