No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
